As I sit here now at 6:30pm watching you pull things out of my bag and take things you shouldn't have, i'm greatful for your mischeif! You see today I thought i'd lost you forever, you lay in my arms limp and not breathing, I thought that this was it, that we had just spent our last morning together and all you had done is watched me tidy up! (Although you did find some great new old toys on the way!)

At arround 12:30 we had come downstars to get lunch, I layed Naminé down in her moses basket and you climbed on top on your toddler chair. I was about to move all the big toys so we had space to eat lunch and play, but first, me and your dad asked you to get off the chair, 'you will fall' I had said as I walked over to grab your hand.

Before I could get to you, fell back wards over the side of the chair, no taller than my knee height, but you hit your head straight on the floor. You screamed so I rushed to pick you up and burst out with laughter like I do when I get nervous or worry, your dad told me off (I think he thought I was laughing at you). You took a deep breath in and then STOPPED, you held you breath (like I had seen a thousand babies do before, I remembered my mums advice, dont panic she'll breath again, her body wont let her just stop.) except you didn't breath again, you just continued to hold you breath, I sat down and went to blow in your face (I'd been told loads it would help you breath again) before I could, you went limp, your breathing had totally stopped and you were no longer just holding your breath, I looked at your beautiful face and your eyes had gone funny, it wasnt you I could see, it didnt't look like you.

I shouted 'Ryan phone an ambulance' and went to do CPR, but he didn't have his phone so I grabbed mine and called 999, throwing the contents of my bag everywhere in the process. Luckily by the time it started to ring you were breathing again, screaming at the top of your lungs, you had a rash accross your chest which had appeared from nowhere. I spoke to the lady on the phone and asked for an ambulance, I explained what had happened and answered all the questions. The told us not to feed you anything, no drink, no milk nothing. Just to keep you still and wait for the ambulance to come.

30 minuites had passed and you were desperate to move arround or fall asleep. We kept you occupied with games and films and contned to wait. They called my back explaining that there were no ambulances available and that they would get to you as soon as the could, you were now allowed to walk arround, but still no milk, which of course was all you wanted.

By 1hour 20 mins, you seamed like you were back to your normal self, your rash had gone and we decided the ambulance service must be under a lot of pressure so we rang 111 and asked to cancel the ambulance, we said we would take you to A and E ourselves and to send the ambulance out to someone who needed it more. By the time I had answered all the questions, it had been 1 hour and a half, the ambulance was at the door, so we let him in and he checked you and asked us questions. He said you were fine and we just needed to keep an eye on you.

Today has really put life into perspective for me, we could all go at any time, I nearly lost one of my most precious things, without any warning.

I'm trying to be strong right now, but all I want to do is cry, I nearly lost you, you were in my arms not breathing, but I know I can't cry, I need to be strong because tomorrow your daddy has to leave again and I have to go back to being a single mum monday-friday, but this time for 2 beautiful princesses, not just one.

I love you my beautiful girls, with all my heart, I'm so glad your both safe sleeping on me, I wouldnt have it any other way x